If you’ve ever found yourself making desperate parenting decisions at 7 PM while running on fumes, you’re not alone. Behavioral economist and bestselling author Emily Oster has a strategy for that—and it’s racking up the views on Instagram. Oster, known for her data-driven approach to parenting in books like Expecting Better and Cribsheet, shared a phrase she leans on when exhaustion threatens to derail her decision-making: “Don’t make any decisions before a gel.”
What does that mean?
In her Instagram video, Oster explains:
“When you run long distances, you take gels for fuel in the middle of the run. And often, right before the gel, you are feeling depleted. You need the glucose from the gel, and that’s a time when you start thinking, ‘I should quit. This is a stupid activity.’ Once you take the gel, you feel better because you have the glucose. And so the idea is, don’t make any decisions like, say, about quitting in that depleted state.”
Oster applies this to parenting:
“We also are not good at making decisions when we are depleted—when we are hungry, when we are tired, when we are overwhelmed. These are not moments to make decisions. And we need to pause. We need to repeat ourselves and then make decisions later.”
In short: Don’t decide to quit, change course, or make a major call when you’re running on empty. Take care of yourself first.
Related: A mantra for mamas: ‘It’s safe to let the love get bigger’
Parental depletion: A real (and widespread) problem
Oster’s insight comes at a time when parental burnout is at an all-time high. U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy has issued multiple warnings about the rising levels of parental stress, citing an increase in anxiety, depression, and chronic exhaustion among caregivers. The pandemic exposed just how unsupported American parents are, and the ripple effects continue to weigh on families.
A 2024 Gallup study found that 81% of working moms report feeling burned out, and the lack of paid parental leave, affordable childcare, and flexible work arrangements has only intensified the strain.
Strategies to replenish yourself (before you crash)
So, how do parents “take a gel” when life doesn’t come with a pause button? Here are some research-backed strategies:
- The 10-minute rule – Give yourself 10 minutes of alone time, even if it means stepping outside, locking yourself in the bathroom, or listening to a favorite song with noise-canceling headphones.
- Micro-restoration – Instead of waiting for a two-hour break that never comes, take micro-breaks: sip tea, stretch, or do deep breathing exercises in 30-second intervals.
- Fuel first – Hunger and exhaustion magnify stress. Keep easy snacks and hydration on hand to prevent decision fatigue.
- Write It down, decide later – If a decision is nagging at you, jot it down and revisit it after you’ve rested, eaten, or had time to process.
- Outsource when you can – Ask for help, whether that means delegating chores, ordering takeout, or using a babysitting swap with a friend.
Related: Channeling Stuart Smalley: How morning ‘mirror mantras’ have changed my entire day
The bottom line
Oster’s “gel” analogy is a simple but profound reminder: Parents are human, too. When we push through exhaustion and expect ourselves to operate at 100%, we’re not making our best choices—for ourselves or our families.
So the next time you’re about to make a major parenting decision while barely staying upright? Pause. Breathe. Take your metaphorical gel. And trust that the decision will be clearer once you’ve refueled.
